To be described by the Mirror as ‘The wife from hell’ from other quarters as ‘The bossy liability’

To be described by the Mirror as ‘The wife from hell’, from other quarters as ‘The bossy liability’ and ‘The monstrous tyrant’ … Were we in the middle of something when we were interrupted? .. Just write that down darling, then I’ll ring whoever it was. That diary is nearly out of date.”N: “Um.”The Hamiltons settle down. From its perch atop a bookcase, a stuffed baby crocodile keeps a glass eye on things.And do you mind being seen as a battleaxe?C: “No, not at all ‘Battleaxe’ was one of the nicest things said about me. God, I don’t know darling! I don’t know what you’re trying to fix! We’ll fix that in due course if it’s Tuesday.”Neil immediately echoes down the phone: “Can we fix that in due course?”C: “I’m sorry. “All might have continued the way of so many British marriages,” Christine explains in her book, “with the husband, or indeed the wife, having affairs on the side, but for the fact that Sir Peter exhibited the grossest bad taste by moving in with his latest girlfriend nearby.”The confusion continues.N: “Somewhere in Chelsea or Victoria where we can lunch on Tuesday.”C: “Erm, who’s paying, as it were?”N: “Tante Claire’s?”C: “No, that’s too smart. “He’s quite hopeless,” says Christine of the former Minister for Corporate Affairs.

“Now, where were we before my secretary interrupted?” Neil looks troubled.N: “Let me look at the diary to make sure what we’re doing next week.”C: “Well darling, don’t look at the diary Look at my schedule. What day are you thinking of?”N: “Tuesday, Wednesday, something like that.”C: “Like what? Morning, afternoon?”N: “Well, which is which?”C: “Here’s Monday That’s when we’re going to Cambridge. Tuesday we’re doing Esther Rantzen in the afternoon, then dinner in the evening.”She expounds for my benefit: “That’s about ‘Stand By Your Man’, which we’ve done several times They do regurgitate these programmes. Lady Moon is on – one of the battleaxes in my book, of course, who didn’t stand by her man, hur hur hur.”Lady Sarah Graham Moon is the sometime debutante who poured white paint over her adulterous husband Sir Peter’s BMW, then took a pair of scissors to his suits.

Neil holds the phone, then bumbles over to quiz her about dinner arrangements. Most reporters laughed.”Tea or coffee?” Christine wears a red cardigan over a red blouse, her trousers a shade of orange. The flowers on the bathroom wallpaper are the colour of fresh-spilled blood, the sofa and chairs in the living-room are red with white piping. On the wall is a metallic agglomeration that could be a landscape Neil is on the phone, wearing a red V-neck pullover You close your eyes and you see flashes of red. The Hamilton motto – WDTT (We Do Things Together) – doesn’t apply to decor.