That makes sense but of course it’s the kind of insight you only get when you are much older or perhaps you know it
That makes sense, but of course it’s the kind of insight you only get when you are much older; or perhaps you know it when you are young but don’t know it – there you go, Arieka, getting things muddled again! But you can see how ignorant or innocent a child I was in that I asked my nurse whether a house slave could really be beaten on her bare bottom or whether she would be allowed to draw her himation tightly over her bottom. I was not prepared for the following questions nor the commotion my answers started Nurse had palpitations and hot flushes and breathlessness. How she summoned up courage enough to tell my mother what was going on I cannot think. Not only was I forbidden to play with Leptides any more but I had some more bread and water and hemming to teach me something or other.When I came out again I had to stand in front of my honoured father with my hands properly clasped in front and my eyes looking at the floor midway between us.
My mother started to speak but my father silenced her with a gesture.”In this kind of situation, Demetria, it is almost always the girl’s fault.”There was a long silence after that. My father broke it at last.”I suppose you know, young lady, that you’ve got young Leptides into trouble? He’s been sent off to do three months’ military training I don’t wish to see you any more Now go.”So I curtsied and went to my place. Of course, whatever my father said, the military training was not really a punishment like bread and water, solitude and plain hemming. My mother said it would get all the nasty thoughts out of his head and he might even form a lasting friendship with one of our brave soldiers Of course the men of our degree are cavalry.
Indeed, boys who get sent early to military training think it’s a holiday and come back boasting of being on watch in the middle of the night “like the other men”. I was very lonely at this time and became acutely aware of my own insignificance. In addition to being scrawny with a lopsided face I am on the sallow side. My nurse told me that my father would have to pay an extra large dowry to get me off his hands, which is why he was so stern. She said it was enough to make any man stern because what did he get out of it? The proper dowry for a girl of my degree – provincial aristocrat – would be a thousand silver pieces.
He would have to pay more like two thousand.There were times, as I moved towards my courses, when I still had hopes that the gods and in particular Aphrodite would work their customary miracle and turn a child with my natural disadvantages into a flower-like creature and do it more or less in a single night. There is a dread insult in our part of the world, and I sometimes thought I saw it behind the faces of the people responsible for me – the thought that I should have been disposed of at birth, though of course no one ever uttered the words and I dare not myself. But the thought was there, behind their faces.I was brooding on all this one day and going towards the fish tank when one of our boughten slaves came whining out of her place with a child in her arms and thrust it at me She was howling by the time she reached me. My arms came up automatically to cradle, but almost as quickly I used them to push the child back at her for it was covered with spots.