It seems commonplace for adoptive children to have concentration problems disorganisation and

It seems commonplace for adoptive children to have concentration problems, disorganisation and hypersensitivity to criticism. This, she claims, applies not only to those adopted late, after traumatic experiences, but to those like Tom, adopted as babies. At 15, he has passed GCSE Design a year early at grade C – just 13 months after being a school drop-out.An American therapist, and adoptive mother, Nancy Verrier, believes that all adoptees carry within them a primal wound caused by the loss of the birth mother. School was destroying Tom, and we told him he was never going back. His relief was profound, although he remained frighteningly vulnerable.We visited a unit attached to the local further education college, which ran a “flexibility” course for disaffected pupils.

Liberated from the constraints of mainstream schooling, he is once more a happy, confident lad. Above all, the affirmation of his tutors is enabling him to cope with growing up as an adopted person. The tutors agreed that Tom was suitable, but his school head teacher refused permission for him to go on the course. An educational psychologist backed us, and we took Tom’s case to the Director and Chair of Education.

It was finally agreed that he could begin the course.From the outset, Tom has been happy and motivated: his tutors say he is a star. Then he hit adolescence with a vengeance, and class sizes soared. Mornings became a nightmare as he refused to get up for school, subjecting us to a barrage of expletives. Despite repeated attempts to communicate our desperation, he received little support from the school, and Tom refused to consider a move. He was convinced that all schools were useless – only he put it rather less politely.The education welfare officer eventually threatened Tom with our prosecution. Her shock tactics had a short-lived effect but, finally, he could no longer cope A temporary suspension was the final straw. And, while open about Tom’s adoption, we were wary of dwelling on it in school.

We feared that any excuse would be seized on, rather than addressing his dyslexia.Tom’s first year in secondary school was very happy. And the jobs they will be applying for will demand a wider range of skills than those of only 10 years ago.. My son Tom was a sociable, energetic and verbally adept little boy. He started school brimming with confidence, yet by the age of 14, he was school-phobic and a drop-out.