If I wanted to give someone an unhappy night I’d take them to this To 18

If I wanted to give someone an unhappy night, I’d take them to this To 18 June (020-7836 3334). For the creator of The No 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency, it was a classic moral conundrum. But is it a post-ironic, fashionable ritual that will pass as line-dancing did? Or is this some post-9/11 expression of you-only-live-once decadence?All these questions are ignored in the vapid Immodesty Blaize and Walter’s Burlesque. “We went behind and heads went down.”In an undistinguished first half, the Broncos took an early lead when Dave Highton’s pass took a fortunate bounce for Paul Sykes to pick up and score.There was little sign of the solid form Salford had been showing in Super League, but they drew level just before the half hour when their Australian centre, Kevin McGuinness, created a try out of nothing.There seemed no danger when McGuinness took a pass from Chris Charles, but he wove his way past four heavy-footed London forwards to wriggle over the line.One of those he beat, Danny Williams, was then guilty of a nasty-looking high tackle on Charles which went on report.The penalty took Salford upfield and Luke Robinson’s sharp little break drew a penalty, which Charles put over to put Salford ahead. Decadence – so much a part of The Flash Monkey – is replaced here by a knowing smugness, as is satire, the element, the programme assures us, that separates burlesque from stripping.Ms Blaize – billed as a latter-day Ava Gardner but actually more Marilyn Monroe, with a frame that would be laughed out of Central Casting in these diet-obsessed times – flails a little in the large room (large for burlesque, tiny for theatre). It would also have spared us some clumsy mixes – Madonna’s “Music” into “Puttin’ on the Ritz”, was as smooth as a unicycle with a square wheel.For an example of how live music can energise such a night, head for The Flash Monkey’s irregular nights at Madame Jo Jo’s. The show cocks (ahem) a snook at a time (it says here) of “computers and superstar DJs”.

A pity, then, that the one period detail it cries out for is missing: a band in the pit.A live band (more than just lone pianist Rod Melvin) would have reduced the inevitable tawdry feel that pre-recorded music brings. It was also at times very moving.Throughout all that, the young band largely responded with great sensitivity to the challenges Hancock handed them. It was at times equally challenging for the audience, for the music demanded total concentration, each piece being in the region of 15 to 20 minutes long, and the concert ran for well over two hours, with no interval.It could have been less onerous if the inconsistent guitarist, Loueke, had not been given so much room (a Hancock trio would have been sensational in this format). Yet Hancock himself was in a great mood and scintillating form. He chatted good-humouredly to the audience, and with great charm: he also smiled spontaneously at his colleagues’ playing, deriving pleasure from their fresh invention.But Hancock himself delivered the most telling music of the night, his occasional solos being staggering spontaneous constructions. He has an uncanny ability to build and shape a performance from the smallest of elements: here, he sampled a sliver of the spoken introduction by Tony Dudley-Evans, the festival director, and did all manner of alarming things to it as the first number quietly began.A second long excursion began with Hancock’s beautiful theme “Sonrisa”, which debuted on his early 1980s solo album The Piano, recorded in Japan: this was fashioned into something that became as vast as Gregorian chant, but as contemporary as the latest fusion of world and western musics, with electronics attached. As Hancock put it, “This is an acoustic band that uses electrics.”What it also used was Hancock’s vast imagination and experience.

Crouch scored nervelessly.After the dismissals, Nicola Ventola, perhaps marginally offside, restored Palace’s lead. His task was simplified when Antii Niemi and his back four stood and watched Mikele Leigertwood’s hopeful ball forward. Then, deep into injury-time, Kevin Phillips was given unaccountable space on the left and the unmarked Higginbotham swept in the cross It goes to the wire. “Maybe I’ll give them all a plastic angel next week, and put them down their shorts,” concluded Redknapp.Goals: Hall (34) 1-0; Crouch pen (37) 1-1; Ventola (72) 2-1; Higginbotham (90) 2-2.Crystal Palace (4-5-1): Kiraly; Hall, Popovic (Ventola, 64), Sorondo, Granville; Routledge, Riihilahti (Watson, 64), Hughes, Leigertwood, Soares; Johnson. Substitutes not used: Speroni (gk), Freedman, Lakis.Southampton (4-4-2): Niemi; Telfer, Lundekvam, Higginbotham, Bernard; Oakley (Delap, 76), Redknapp (McCann, 79), Quashie, Le Saux (Phillips, 63); Camara, Crouch. Substitutes not used: Smith (gk), Davenport.Referee: H Webb (S Yorkshire).Booked: Crystal Palace Johnson, Hall, Ventola; Southampton Phillips.Sent off: Crystal Palace Sorondo (59); Southampton Crouch (58).Man of the match: Hughes.Attendance: 26,066.. Juventus took a huge stride towards a 28th Serie A title yesterday with a 1-0 victory over rivals Milan which puts them three points clear at the top with three games remaining.

Milan, who face Liverpool in the Champions’ League final on 25 May, were second best for large parts of the game, but were furious that referee Pierluigi Collina turned down an appeal for a penalty in the 75th minute when Cafu appeared to be pulled down by Gianluca Zambrotta.Third-placed Internazionale won 3-0 at lowly Brescia, but the battle for the fourth Champions’ League qualification slot remains tight with Udinese and Sampdoria winning to remain level on 59 points.A year ago, Real Madrid underwent meltdown in the last five games of the season to hand the title to Valencia. This time they have made it clear that there will be no repetition and won their seventh match in a row on Saturday, beating Racing Santander 5-0.Inspired by a revived Raul, who capped his best performance of the season with a well-taken double, and Ronaldo, who took his tally this term to 20 with a goal in each half, Real eased their way to victory.Michael Owen opened the scoring with a typically sharp finish and David Beckham produced another tireless, if slightly more subdued, performance in midfield. His drummer, the impossibly young-looking Ritchie Barsay, had an electronic drum pad in addition to his kit; his acoustic bassist, Dave Carpenter, from time to time strapped on a six-string Fender electric; while his guitarist, Lionel Loueke, played electric guitar with a vast array of foot pedals and switches. Herbie Hancock arrived at the Cheltenham Jazz Festival with a new quartet, a light-show, and a small but significant array of electronic enhancers that allowed him to create incredible soundscapes at will while still holding firm to the belief that this was a primarily acoustic band. The finale’s drama built steadily, and culminated in an ending of imposing breadth, though if Mahler wanted a trombonist and a trumpeter to stand up as well as all the horns, he would surely have stopped them unbalancing the sonority so crudely.. The First Piano Concerto of Prokofiev also thrives on relentless drive and larger-than-life projection. It was a successful piece of self-promotion for the 20-year-old composer when he played it himself, and its overwhelming energy, slightly subversive humour and naked ambition needs, from his successors as soloist, an unflagging stamina as well as extreme virtuosity.